paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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