Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Michael Bay diarrhea
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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