So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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