Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
