Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
