She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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