i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Randomize
