My liver just broke up with me...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
