Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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