i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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