Im at strip club and am horny
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
