well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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