Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
She announced her abortion via fbk
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
