Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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