I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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