Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
