I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
