it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
mondays should just be called national damage control day
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
