the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
