I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
