SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
