Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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