im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
