Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
