Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
