bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
