Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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