Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
