she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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