Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
