i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
