I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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