he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
