Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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