Your face is a jimmy john
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
