My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
