Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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