I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
