A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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