Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm getting married
To pizza
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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