you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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