dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
