maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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