I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
