I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Bring me that man meat
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
