im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
