I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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