everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
