4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
