Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
