just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
