It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
