..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
